Hi,
After getting very sick, then going on a week-long vacation, and then catching COVID, I’m behind on all my obligations. I’m exhausted from the sickness and from taking care of my son while working from home.
I haven’t been able to recover, and for the past month, my video game addiction has become uncontrollable. I’m behind on everything I need to do and yet I still take the time to play video games.
I knew it was getting problematic, yet I didn’t do anything about it, until today. The catalyst was simple: my wife asked me to get an appointment for our son because of health issues he’s been having for the past few days.
Guess what I did instead of taking the appointment? Right, I played games.
Today was supposed to be a full work day but I’ve done nothing but play games and sleep (though the latter is not a bad thing in my current state).
When she reminded me 3 hours later, I felt like shit. How could I forget something so important for my son’s health!
I’ve sunk too low. I must do something about it.
And so, I thought about the reasons for my escape to video games.
It’s obvious that I’m exhausted and need an escape but ultimately, I procrastinate doing what I need to do because I’ve taken on too much. It’s overwhelming. But most importantly, I’m not fully engaged in what I’m doing anymore.
I think that’s the main issue.
A lot of the things I do have become a chore. I do them for the money (which has never driven me) or because I’ve committed to it.
I realized that one of the things I’ve stressed about a lot in the past few months has been this newsletter. I promised one paid and one free post per week. The free posts were easy because they’re re-posts of my best articles about learning.
The problem is with the paid post. I expected to do something of really high quality but it turned out to be poorer than what I’d do for free on Medium. I thought I’d make it a priority, yet it became more of an after-thought really quickly.
I don’t have the same passion for writing than I had prior to having my son. Every time I try to get back into it, it just feels forced. I still have thoughts worth sharing, but I don’t find the energy to do it.
I don’t want to force it anymore.
As I reflected on what I need to do to get out of this addiction, I realized I needed to to cut the things that bore me and replace them with things I’m excited about.
As such, I want to stop posting on this newsletter. Maybe I’ll re-open it later on in my life, but for now, it’s a chore for me.
In the coming days, I’ll try to restructure my life around so that I don’t need to escape to video games. The first step will have to start with sleeping more. Then it will be to replace my addiction and increased sleep with something I’ll find engaging again.
This time, I think I’ll choose something more private. Something I’ll do for myself or for my family. I don’t have the energy yet for thing that help others.
If all this fails, I’m not afraid to seek therapy. I’ve done it in the past and will do it again as needed. I know it really helps.
For those we paid for this newsletter, I’ll issue a refund after this is sent.
Thank you for understanding.
—Danny
I've had problems with uncontrollable gaming habits too and if taking a step back is what you need, then going for it definitely is the right choice!
Take care!